Title: Too Late
Author: Kath firstname.lastname@example.org
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, Fox Ent, Mutant Enemy, etc.
Rating: G (I'm getting into a rut here)
Summary: Wesley thinks about what he's found out.
Spoilers: Season 3; 'Billy' and 'Provider' specifically
Distribution: List archives; anyone else just ask.
Feedback: Yes, please!
Notes: My take on what was REALLY going on in 'Provider'.
Gunn likes Fred.
When did this happen? Have I been too wrapped up in my own life, my own fantasies, to notice something going on directly
beneath my very nose?
Gunn *likes* Fred.
I should be happy for him. He's my friend and I want him to be...happy. Right? I should be clapping him on the back, offering my advice on how to 'get' the girl, or simply saying 'Hey, go for it!' That's what men do. What *guys* do. Only, I don't feel like doing any of those things.
You see, I like someone too.
I'm not sure how I got myself into this predicament. This competition. Call it denial, macho pride, or what have you. I saw the way Gunn looked at Fred and suddenly found myself doing and saying these...things. Much as I did that time, when Cordy caught me staring.
Perhaps if I'd said something sooner. Not waited so long to reveal my affections. There was a time, a moment, when a word from me could have made a difference. I felt it arrive, treasured it, then let it pass. I could say I was being cautious. That entering into a relationship with someone you work with is risky at best. Or I could be honest with myself, and admit I was terrified of rejection.
Is it too late to tell Gunn that *he* is the one I feel most comfortable with?
Too late to go back to that evening in my apartment, and admit to Cordy who I was really staring at?
Too late to recapture that one moment in time, when I knew Gunn loved me, so I can tell him I love him too?
Maybe. Maybe not.
Gunn liked Fred. That doesn't mean he doesn't like me too.